archival offering

*nephew is out today, so what follows is some material from a retired LJ account*

momentary absense with reason

12:26pm 03/05/2002

This is directly related to my laptop being in the hands of Myrtle Beach locals. It seems, last week I haphazardly left the titanium doorstop in my hotel room whilst searching for a Gideon's (which I religiously collect as souvenirs of my sojourns - for my roomate to enjoy, mostly). I have yet to retrieve the 4.9lb beast.

Thank goodness for Right Said Jed, my buddy who just arrived from l'Italia. According to the clock on this PDA-sized Vaio computron, it is 11.11 in the a.m. (wish made). Jed & I have made it our reckless mission to get cool duds for our digital snowboarders broadcasting live from the *living room TeeVeetron*. We decided the blue mushy couch rests well directly in front of said monstronsity. Earlier this eve, we had a run in with the law...I will relay this cute yarn in the form of a recipe:

Ingredients:
1 jed
1 preo
30 Euros
1 expired california driver's licence
1 expired colorado driver's licence
1 valid passport d'italia
1 valid passport from our beloved etates-unies
1 licence to kill
1 motor vehicle
several SKYY malt drinks
a pitcher of el myr cran-rita
a dash of natty light
the need for more natty light
1 police officer (automobile included)

Directions:
Over the course of a few evening hours, mix the above ingredients, gradually, and in order.
Stop at a green light for a minute (this helps to blend the law officer into our recipe).
Enthusiastically mumble and/or babble at the officer as if he was the greatest thing to have just happened. (hint: Stress the use of no one particular language without the use of any grammar for best results).
Hand officer colourful new Euros along with passports.
The next step is crucial, and if carried out as a planned accident, you will be complete...
(last step):
Suppress your urge to burst into hysterical fits of laughter as said officer walks away suppressing the exact same urge.
(another note):
This recipe had no adverse results what-so-ever. It was, however, prepared by professionals, and readers should use extreme caution when attempting to recreate the aforementioned masterpiece.

-kp-